Thursday, August 17, 2006

....

The rains have stopped, the sun is shining bright, the clouds have dispersed and so has the gloom. It’s a clear day and everything looks different – may not be better, but at least clearer.

It’s a funny feeling. You are scared of losing it when you have it, you are desperate and helpless when you see it slipping away, and then one fine day, you know you have lost it..
And you are calm and cool.. coz you don’t know how to react to this situation.. You have spent so long worrying about this, but never once thought that this was a real possibility.
It’s the question that you wanted answered, but didn’t want to hear what you heard.
It sinks in slowly, poisoning your entire system, making you bitter to everything else.

But like I said, things may not be better, but at least they are clearer

3 comments:

Suri said...

Went round and round and before going to sleep.. again happened to reach here...

what to say.. should the presentation be praised or content to be engulfed or take the easy way to validate...

What if I say.. you witnessed .. the moments .. before and after the event .. and you still are there .. thats existence with knowledge... bliss will follow...

MJS said...

Nenu,
Yes, I witnessed the moments, I lived thru it and I survived.
Whether it made me a better person or a bitter one, I dont know. But lessons have been learnt and experiences cherished; time to move on!!!!!!
bliss will follow....

I will not be sorry that its over, I will be happy that it happened.

Suri said...

Fantastic...what a wonderful way to take it . ..What you ve gone through is what other mere mortals did and What you ve uttered is what other greats did ...

Read through some exquisite stuff from Kahlil Gibran...
=============================
The Visit of Wisdom
=============================
In the quiet of the night Wisdom came and stood beside my bed, gazing at me like a doting mother. She wiped away my tears and said, 'I heard the cry of your soul and came to solace you. Open your heart to me, that I might fill it with light. Ask me, and I shall show you the path of truth.'

I said, 'Who am I, O Wisdom, and how did I arrive in this ghastly place? What are these powerful longings, numerous books, and eldritch markings? What are these thoughts that pass like a flock of doves? What is this speech, ordered in affection and scattered in delight? What are these consequences that sadden and enrapture, that embrace my spirit and besiege my heart? What are these eyes fixed upon me, that gaze upon my innermost self and ignore my pain? What are these voices mourning over my days, singing of my childhood? What is this youth, who plays with my desires, mock my sentiments, forgets the deeds of yesterday, rejoices in the trivialities of the moment, and loathes the tardiness of tomorrow? What is this world that is hastening me toward I know not what, viewing me with contempt? What is this earth, its mouth gaping to swallow bodies, whose bosom offers relief to the abode of ambition? What is this person who acquiesces in loving happiness, but accepts hell if he cannot attain it; who seeks the kiss of life and receives the blows of death; who buys a moment of pleasure with a year of regrets; who surrenders to the slumber and dreams that call to him; who walks along the canals of ignorance to the gulf of darkness? What are all these things, O Wisdom?'

She said, 'You desire, O mortal, to view this world through the eyes of a god, and wish to comprehend the mysteries of the world to come by means of your human intellect; and this is the utmost folly. Go out into the open country, and you will find the bee hovering over flowers and the eagle picking apart its prey. Enter the house of your neighbor, and you will see a child bedazzled by the fire's rays, while the mother busies herself with housework. Imitate the bee and do not spend the days of spring gazing upon the deeds of the eagle. Be as the child and delight in the flame's brightness, and pay no heed to your mother and her affairs.
'All that you see was and is for your sake. The numerous books, uncanny markings, and beautiful thoughts are the ghosts of souls who preceded you. The speech they weave is a link between you and your human siblings. The consequences that cause sorrow and rapture are the seeds that the past has sown in the field of the soul, and by which the future shall profit... This youth who plays with your desires is the very same person who opened the door of your heart so as to flood it with light. This earth with its gaping maw is the one who delivers you from bondage to your body. This world that hastens you is your heart, and your heart is all that you conceive of as a world. The person you consider ignorant and insignificant is the one who came from God, that he might learn bliss from grief and knowledge from gloom.'

Wisdom placed her hand on my feverish forehead and said, 'Advance and never halt, for advancing is perfection. Advance and do not fear the thorns in the path, for they draw only corrupt blood. '