Insanity bites, Ghostrider strikes :)

Been out of this space for long. Like the title of this post says, the insanity bug has bitten. Have quit my job (V has taken a 6 month sabbatical) and we are out on the road on a motorcycle. No, not Venom. We decided to buy a new one for this venture. So V landed up in the US on 14th, bought a Honda ST 1300, I joined him on 22nd and we hit the road on 28th. The bike is called Ghostrider :)

Started our journey from San francisco. Heading on Highway 1, across California. Details of the trip will be posted on a separate trip blog. So I may be out of action on this space again.

Travelled across California - San Francisco - Los Angeles - Long Beach - Dana Point - Joshua Tree National Park - Death Valley - Vegas

currently in Vegas, updating this from starbucks.. gotta go..

follow the trip @ www.thecrazybikers.blogspot.com

tired....

I confess.. Admit that I am tired. Very tired.
Tired of pretending.. To be strong.. To be alive.
Of hoping... That I can live my life the way I want, that things will change...That I can change things.
Of expecting..
Of loving..
Of waiting..
Of smiling..
Of saying that it is ok.. It will be fine.
Of thinking about others.. Of keeping insignificant people above myself..

I am tired, of everything.
I need a break. I swear I do. To sort it out in my head. To accept that suchh is life. And to move on.

Rise and Shine..

Ever felt like a fool? Like, really convinced that you were being stupid?

Being stupid for believing in something....
You hear something so many times, that you start believing in it...
You start thinking that this must be true...
You start wondering if this will happen someday...

And when you are comfortably happy in your world, someone just shows you the mirror, and diplomatically tells you where you stand ...It's a politically correct thing to say, but what you hear is just short of saying, "What the fuck is wrong with you.. You really thought this could happen.. never seen a bigger idiot, (tch tch)"

And you can't react.. coz you don't know how to..

But I shall not react...

I have faith in myself. I shall fall flat on my face again, and again, and still rise.
I shall rise again... Rise and Shine.

choices and options..

We all have choices to make, and options to choose from.. but making a choice is not the same as choosing an option...
sometimes you make a choice of your own will...
and the other times, you pick from the available options..

The difference is subtle and and you know it only when you have done both at some point in your life!

Today, I will not ask questions, seek options, and choose option 1;

Today I am making a choice, and I will live with it.

Truth or dare?

I spent the last 2 days facing a bitter truth. Sometimes you don't have an option, the truth is just thrust in your face and you are caught off guard.

You bump into it round the corner when you least expect it, when you are trying hard to deny the truth. You are shaken out of your dream world, just when you begin to believe a lie.
It stands tall in front of you, making eye contact. And you have to smile. Coz that's the best (and probably the only) thing you can do.

Would you accept the truth and move on, hurt and hoping that time will make it all right?
Or would you dare to confront and change it; dare to define and work towards the ending the way you want it?

What would you do? Truth or dare?

A silent prayer

Dear God,

Give me tears, but give me someone to kiss them dry
Give me happiness, and give me someone to share it with
Give me a smile, and let me light up the world
Give me music, and give me a companion to dance
Give me pain, but give me a hand to hold through it
Give me love, and let me spread it
Give me hatred but give me the courage to counter it


Dear God, just let me be me, and make me a better person everyday

closure....

I have just returned from dubai and I realize that we all seek closures in our lives.
As strange and complicated as life may be, there is a best before date for everthing. And I mean EVERYTHING. If you leave it open ended and and let it linger on beyond a threshold, it becomes a liability.

On that note, I have finally thrown the Nina Ricci bottle out of the window. It was long due. It was long over and I was holding an empty bottle with no fragrance left at all, close to my heart.
It takes a heavy heart to get rid of it, but it was much needed.

Destiny

Sometimes you don't know what you want;
Sometimes you know, but you don't want to accept it.
Even when you accept it, you don't want to say it.
Maybe you tell yourself, that it isn't right.
Maybe you tell yourself, that this is not how it is supposed to be.
You tell yourself, this is not how it started off.
You try to design the ending in your head, defying the truth.


Sometimes you just need to switch off your mind, and accept that you are crazy.
Sometimes, you just need to let life take its course.
Sometimes, you just need to let destiny knock, instead of trying to write it!

(Dis)Coloured

Just when I thought that colours were draining off and I had begun to see my life in black and white, I stumbled upon something dis-coloured, with a shade of gray.

I had had it for 6 years, but looking at it this time, was so different. It shone bright in a different perspective. It taught me to appreciate the beauty of life. It told me that life is always full of colours.. we just need to open our eyes and see them.

Now, I see colours like I did never before. They fill me with joy, they fill me with happiness, they fill me with excitement, they fill me with anxiety.

I don't know how long this will last, but I am happy about the (dis)coloured perspective or the lack of it!

P.S. purple is the colour of the week :)

huh???

How is it that you fell in love with me coz I was different;
and now complain that I am not like the others, and should learn a thing or two from them?

It's like saying that you love a Hyundai, but would like the engine replaced by Ford's, mileage by Toyota's, maintenance by Maruti's and space by GM.
Do you really love a Hyundai, then?

And should you still own a Hyundai if you don't love it anymore?

The power of me

Today, I wish myself a very happy woman's day! And I wish all my fellow girl friends the very best of today!

Today, I celebrate the strength of a woman, the weakness of a girl.
Today, I resolve to smile, irrespective of whatever anyone thinks or wants or does.
Today, I forgive the inglorious bastards, who caused me so much pain.
Today, I realize that I am better than any of them and therefore shall ignore their actions. It's no point in giving it back to them, lest I stoop to their level.
Today, I love myself.

Today and everyday from now on, I celebrate the power of me.

It's over...

It's been over for long, but today I put my foot down and make it official.

This day will mark the end of the long standing struggle between Mridula and MJ....
Needless to say, MJ has emerged a clear winner. After much thought and discussion, it has been decided that Mridula needs to go, and go for good.

Hereafter MJ takes it over!

Irony!

It's weird in some sense, but then isn't life weird?

Just a few things that I thought I could never give up, but I guess we all change!
and don't ask me why.. I don't have any logical explanation to this.. I guess that's just me.. on the extremes!

1. I used to love lazing in the bath tub and it was a deciding factor whenever I booked hotels during travel; but now that I have one in my own bathroom, I have never used it!
2. I avoid any piece of clothing in chocolate brown, or just brown; beige still survives my moods
3. I love cinnamon rolls, but I just smile and enjoy the smell whenever I cross Cinnabon; I don't stop by to eat it any more.
4. I don't look for the smoking zones in the airport any longer
5. I don't wake up at 2 in the morning to see if I have any gtalk message or a mail .. and I most certainly don't sleep holding my phone any more! (Isn't that a pleasant change!)

There are a lot of things that I don't do any longer, but these are top 5 and the most drastic ones!

One day is all I need

Just one day -
ONE day of old times,
a day without complications,
a day of me being me,
a day with someone I really want to be with,
a day where I am not judged,
a day of being loved for what I am and not hated for my actions,
a day of understanding why I did what I did,
a day of heart-to-heart talk,
a day of walking hand in hand on the beach,
a day without pretending that everything is all right,
a day of admittance that life hasn't move on,
a day of acceptance,
a day of being at peace with myself
................
................

Just one day is all I need.

Lessons learnt in 2009

1. Motherhood changes everything, and I mean EVERYTHING!
2. Having a baby is as frustrating as it is pleasurable, and I can't decide which is more!
3. You may love someone with all your heart, but it takes only one moment / incident to change everything
4.A relationship is a constant process of taking initiatives
5. Its best to let go when whatever you do goes unnoticed and unappreciated, and you need to explain your actions
6. Your job is only a part of your life, and not life in whole
7. Some things and some people are just not worth it!
8.Never let your professional life affect your personal, NEVER mix the two!
9.Time is not the best healer, your mind is.
10. Life is beautiful and worth enjoying irrespective of how deeply you are hurt!

Word power!

I logged on to FB to see that V had poked me!

hmm.. lemme poke him back.... who does he think he is, poking me!!!!!!..... no wait, lemme see what he has been upto lately

so I went to his home page to check out his recent activities.

V has commented on T's post, it said! Now this T had visited India recently (his 1st visit), and had come home for dinner, so I was curious to read his post. It was a very detailed account of his India trip, Udaipur and also on his evening with us... I GOT to read this...

somewhere in his post.. T had written.... "At one point I commented to him about how beautiful his wife was and, in reply, he sniggered. I said, amused, “V, that’s not an appropriate response. You should say, ‘Yes, isn’t she a princess?’” and he sniggered some more and said that he thought I was joking or being polite!"

V actually thinks someone is joking when they tell him his wife is pretty???????????? He's had it!!!!!! I will kill him!!!

Then I scrolled down to read V's comment
"Hey T, ofcourse I think my wife is very beautiful, just that I find it amusing when anyone make comments such as 'your wife is beautiful' since I have never met anyone who would tell someone 'your wife is ugly' :-)"

WOW man, what a way to say that you find your wife pretty!!!! Anyways, I chose to ignore the rest of it, and focus only on the 1st sentence.

I called him and as usual he didn't answer. He called back after 30 min!

V: Haan bolo. You called?
Me: Muah
V: What? Now what did you break?
Me: (ignoring) So you think your wife is beautiful, huh?
V: When did I say that?
Me: I read it....
V: Ooooooo that!!! haan... OK
Me: (Ignoring again) So you think so?
V: What difference does it make?
Me: Arrre if you think so, why can't you say so to me
V: Isme bolne ko kya hai. I thought you knew you are pretty.
Me: OK I know, but I will like it if you tell me
V: Why should I tell you something that you already know?
Me: Arrrrgghhhhh,... forget it, I am sorry I called
V: No, you didn't. I called to ask you why you called...
Me: Get lost!
V: Now what did I say.. See, I told you, you are always fighting with me for no reason!!!!!!


And I banged the phone down...

killing time!

Sitting in client's office, waiting for a meeting to happen, can't leave.. getting bored, mind fucked... killing time..

and since I don't know how to use twitter, I am here putting this up as a status update!!!!

Thought of the Day

Sometimes it is best to accept the present and look forward to the future instead of clinging to the past and trying to change things.

No, this hasnt dawned upon me now.. I have known this for long! But easier said than done.

Time Machine

I was in Dubai recently. Had gone after 1 year. Someone (do not wish to name), said.. Shit MJ.. you have aged so much in one year! I smiled and said, "Time changes a lot many things".

That night I looked at myself in the mirror, something that I do every morning... but that night I saw myself... after a long time..

And I asked myself, "What's wrong with you?"

Mridula said, 'what? what's wrong? It's all cool'
"Cut the crap" said MJ
Mridula: 'No serious. Why do you ask?'
MJ: Coz I look at myself everyday and it doesnt bother me. But, today I look at you, and you seem to have aged 10 years. You are not the same anymore
Mridula: 'Ah, so you noticed!!!!!'
MJ: 'Tell me.. what happened'
Mridula: 'Time, my love.. time... time changes, circumstances change...things change....people change. So how can I be the same'

There wasn't anything left to discuss. It was the Mridula like never before.. tired, beaten, stressed, angry. And MJ had done a good job in camouflaging her.

But I am glad to know that Mridula is still alive.. even if time has gotten her... at least she still survives!!!

I only hope that someday Mridula will stand up for herself and not let MJ take over!

If only a time machine existed, life would be different!

let's get filthy!

Ever wondered why they say-filthy rich or stinking rich?
I mean what's so filthy or dirty about being rich or having some extra money?

No this post isn't personal and I do not fall in that category, but I have nothing against those who do. In fact I kind of like them if they have reached the 'filthy' position on their own

I hope to someday be there. Someone once told me, 'you know you are rich when you don't look at the price tag'. How true! I always look at the price tags whenever I buy anything. And whether or not I like something is always a function of how much that thing costs and if it fits in the 'value for money' frame in my mind. Can I ever buy anything without thinking of its price? I don't know. Never had that much money! Even if I did, could I break free of my middle class mentality, only time will tell.

If I had the money, would I be happy? Can money bring me happiness, that's a debate I do not wish to enter. How much is too much, I will get to it when I have the money.

For now I just wish to be 'filthy' rich! And I am willing to stink!!!!